To wake or not to wake

I can definitely see how the TTC journey can be very stressful. I am in the beginning stages(2nd month TTC after MC) and haven't started the temping and OPK's yet, just TTC based on ovulation dates and CM. I am already very anxious about this journey, can't imagine what it's going to be like once I start all those things. But right now I am continously comparing ovulation calendars, checking CM(is it or isn't it EWCM? Is this watery? Is it an abundance? oh shoot, now I'm dry...did I miss my peak day)

DH has a very unconventional work schedule where he works very long shifts, some of which can be overnight. So I have to BD based on his schedule. So our BD schedule for this month was CD13, CD15, CD17 and CD18(yes, I wrote this out and put it in a calendar). At the last minute DH's schedule changed and he was actually off the evening of my peak day...but lo and behold I just didn't have the heart to wake him. DH was exhausted with the time change and work pressures. Not to mention the fact that I woke him out of his sleep the two nights before when he had to be at work before 5am. Though my peak day was CD19, BD did not happen, nor the day after. I actually laid in bed for about 30 minutes debating if I was going to wake him, but after his snoring got louder and louder, I knew that he was just purely exhausted. Its like a catch 22, to wake or not to wake, that is the question. I know that there is a job to be done, but I also want to keep the romance alive and make the BD not seem like a job. It can be a very delicate balance, and though DH understands the small fertile window, I am trying to be very considerate too. I think my consideration is going to end up biting me in the end. Though I understand every month there is only a 20% chance that you will get a BFP, even after you have done everything right, I know that if/when AF shows, I will still be kicking myself for not waking him up and thinking that that one more day could have made all the difference.

So now here I am in the 2WW, wondering if I missed our window by allowing DH to sleep on peak day. I am just hoping that DH strong swimmers hung around long enough to meet my eggie and hopefully strong enough to split those cells!!!! If it doesn't happen this month, I am going to take the month of April off... 1. to take the pressure off and 2. b/c my due date will be the beginning of January, which means I will probably have a holiday baby(my DS was born at 38 weeks) and I think it will be too much to have a child around the holidays.

~Sidenote, my BFF called me with news this weekend that his wife is preggers, they weren't trying but not preventing either. I was actually very geninuely happy for them and even talked to her later that evening as well. This is the first time since my MC that I have actually been happy for someone and haven't done everything in my power to avoid them. I will have to detail all the preggers news after my MC in another entry.